Female worker wearing a toolbelt work apron for tools

How to  Shatter the  Illusion –  I Want Everyone to Like Me – Life Tool Box

Being rejected can feel awful

Instinctively, you want to feel like you belong somewhere and rejection flies in the face of that desire. So when you feel unliked, even by someone you hardly know, it can cut directly into your belief about yourself as a good person.

Life Tool Box

Through a series of blog posts I am going to build something for you called a “Life Tool Box.” In it will be lots of simple living skills. When you are having a rough time in your life,  just look in the Life Tool Box and find the best skill to help you that day.

Each week I’ll choose one common home improvement tool to represent one of these life skills. By the end of each blog post, you’ll understand exactly why you need that tool and how you can use it to improve your daily life.

Let’s start with the hammer

It’s a handy tool that can be used in all sorts of projects around your home. You can hang a picture, fix a broken chair, and put together a desk. A hammer is also a very good tool to choose when you need to shatter something.

In our Life Tool Box, the hammer will help you shatter the illusion that you must be liked by everyone. Because we are social beings, people tend to believe that universal acceptance is an important and reasonable goal.

While this can really hurt, there’s a huge flaw with wanting everyone to like you. It’s completely unrealistic. It is what psychologist Albert Ellis would consider an “irrational belief.” He’s compiled laundry list of common irrational beliefs that people struggle with every day. Which belief do you think sits at the very top? Good guess – the idea that we must be liked by everyone.

It’s good to know you are not alone in this struggle. It really can be hard to swallow the realization that someone doesn’t like you. You might even be tempted to change yourself to conform to the expectations of others. Unfortunately, this idea would make a bad problem even worse.

Being a People Pleaser 

When you decide to become a people pleaser, you tend to lose yourself in the pursuit of other people’s happiness with you. You might think that your attempts to appear constantly likable and agreeable will make you happier. But in reality, you are likely to feel stepped on and unimportant as you give up your values and personal boundaries.

Even though the illusion of everyone liking you is unrealistic, it can be really hard to swing that hammer to shatter it. Once you break it apart, what next? What’s the reality that helps you get through the day?

Focus on Your Self-Worth

It’s far better to focus on your self-worth than making everyone like you. Your self-worth is about who you are as a person, your character, and what you stand for. The following is a simple list of ways to improving your self worth and make yourself much less reliant on the need to be liked.

  1. Make an effort to be compassionate to yourself and others.

  2. Strengthen your integrity by standing by your word.

  3. Find meaning and purpose in things that you struggle with, and find satisfaction in your ability to bounce back.

  4. Challenge the irrational beliefs that is focused on  perfectionism and approval from others.

Shatter the Belief

Deep-seated beliefs can be hard to shatter, but you can do it. You know what really matters and it’s time to swing that hammer.

Share with me – how have you used the helpful hammer to shatter this illusion? How can you improve your self-worth so you don’t need to depend on everyone’s approval? I’d love to hear your story in the comments below.




Project111-150x150Dr. Ines K. Roe has been helping women in transition rediscover themselves for over 20 years. If you’re  been feeling unfulfilled, are frustrated with your sense of accomplishment in midlife, or simply need guidance on your path to holistic well being, join her ecourses.