She Owns It – How to Claim Your Authority

She Owns It – How to Claim Your Authority

I was looking for a new pair of shoes over the weekend – ok ok, I live by the motto “You can never have enough friends … or shoes.”

They were really cute brown low ankle boots that looked great with my jeans. I loved them, but I wondered, “Can I wear these in the summer too?” You see, there are certain rules many of us grew up with.

1. Never wear white after Labor Day.
2. Shoes and bags must always match.
3. Never wear black with brown or navy.
4. You can’t wear suede or leather in summer.
5. Never mix metals in your wardrobe.
6. Never wear tights with open-toed shoes.

Really? Obviously those rules are silly and nobody abides by them anymore, but I was struck with how we can be constrained by arbitrary rules. And even though these rules have been defunct for ages, many of the rules and beliefs of our childhood still stick with us.

Sometimes those subtle rules that we grew up with that are no longer part of our active consciousness  can still influence our behavior or result in second guessing ourselves.

When we make decisions in life that swim against the stream (or go against these preconceived rules) we may have a momentary twinge of hesitation. But just the way we put on our outfits in the morning we also wear our confidence and our sense of authority.

Defining Sense of Authority

Sense of authority is the ability to engage with the internal voices that make us question going against those arbitrary rules that have been ingrained in us, even if they rail against common sense.

We often listen to this voice as what we should do and how we should act. We should understand whose voice we are hearing. It may define our sense of guilt when we go against what our sense of authority is telling us.

Therefore, claiming our authority, so that we eliminate the negative emotions that go along with disobeying it, involves the process of:

1) Defining who you want to be and what position you want to take in the world.
Do the old rules still apply? Do they achieve the goals that you set for yourself today?

2) Defining what is important to you and designing your life according to those values. Has truth changed? Is what was true then still true today? How does that impact your life?

3)   Accepting the hard, scary work of listening to your voice of authority and trusting it guide you. Why do you really feel angry, hurt, upset, misplaced? Is there interference from old outdated tapes? Does the volume of those tapes need to be lowered?

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Leading With Confidence

When you embrace your sense of authority, you’ll learn that confidence is really just about claiming your authority and, in other words, “owning it.”

And while many of this comes down to the decisions we make, a lot also is reflected by being comfortable with ourselves, who we are, and what we will, or will not, do. While this may not come naturally to you, you can, in fact, learn to conquer your own sense of self-acceptance.

You can wear white after labor day, and ankle boots in the summer. Or, on a larger scale, perhaps realize a life long dream or accomplish a  long-reached-for goal. And do it all with your head held high.

Dr. Ines K. Roe has been helping women in transition rediscover themselves for over 20 years. If you’ve been feeling unfulfilled, are frustrated with your sense of accomplishment in midlife, or simply need guidance on your path to holistic well being, join her ecourses,